And here we are, so broken Neither dead or alive To my surprise, I’m barely breathing Cut and bruised to hell How could you tell that I'm not taking shit from the people out back? I’ve had enough with playing along with all these songs about the summer. They’re gnawing on my back. I’m being consumed for their comfort. How can I find the lines that guide me back to that place called “home?” I suppose it’s better late than never to change. It’s about damn time that I cared for myself It’s been a long ride since winter Catching colds and sweating dry Why am I still cold inside? It’s about 78 degrees with a little bit of a breeze Running around the topics that confuse me They get to me too easily and I say, “Hello, world. Can you find the time to help a girl out in these trying moments?” They say, “Hell no, girl. You gotta figure it out and stop freaking out every time you feel let down.” But how do they expect me to live with myself? Knowing that I fucked up along the way. The price is here to pay. And now I hear them all teasing me because I can’t get by Why can’t I get by? I can’t write this pain away. I need you to go away.

Hearing the rain fall in the afternoons I couldn’t believe how much I hated myself for Letting you walk away without my two cents And now I can’t hold down a shitty temp job Can’t afford to take this one shot Of whatever concoction this bar whipped up And now I’m drunk again With no one else to befriend Now with my car broken down I’ve got to walk 3 miles to get a fuckin’ bottle of vodka Walking up a set of broken stairs Stumbling my way to nowhere I’m not naive, I’m just a fucking dumbass I forgot I can’t read social cues I come up empty-handed with nothing to say Still like to handle things my own way And I know I shouldn’t believe I can’t do anything that’s useful to my life and those around me But I can’t shake off the feeling that no one cares It’s a 20 minute walk to get validation Ease my mind for an hour of vacation Yet I always regret sitting down on your front steps I sort of miss the days where you were around As an emotional safe net, it’s so hard rely on Myself for once, how hard can that be? Well, it must not be easy cause I’m downing bottles Left and right. I need professional help Dealing everything I’ve got on my mind Now I can’t be sure I can take care of myself and for what it’s worth I really don’t think I should be alone for now And all around it hurts To think that I’ve had some hand to play in this game In making you leave for good But I shouldn’t believe I can’t do anything that’s useful to my life and those around me But I can’t shake off the feeling that no one cares It’s a 20 minute walk to get validation Ease my mind for an hour of vacation Yet I always regret sitting down on your front steps

Sunken eyes bother me While I write songs It's so hard to stay focused It's hard to stay awake While I'm drawing inspiration From unpleasant memories The light of my screen Warns that it's getting late That I need to go to sleep. Sulking around like an emotional emo But everything's cool, that's as far as you all know My isolating tendencies are going too far But I know I won't budge while I cry in my car Cause I'm so fed up with the way things are going, I know that I'm fucked And if I don't change, I'll die alone, accomplishing nothing With words that mean shit scribbled on a piece of paper While crying and screaming about how much I love her It's too much. But you know I can self-destruct Know I don't give a fuck Don't know what's left for me Cause as far as you all can see I'm dying alone in a 4x4 coffin I'll sit in my room, wondering what could have been When my time flies by, I'll know that shit's wrong And sit there and sulk, grab a pen, and write a sad song

You walk out the door and you don’t feel like shit anymore You lay in bed and smile at every single thing that they said Can’t get enough of this chemical feeling Will it all be worth repeating or am I just in my head again about nothing? Will it all come tumbling down? You hate your job and you joke about your trauma in your songs It’s plain to see that I’m too afraid to leave it all to me You don’t have to ask cause itt’s all between the lines I just want to feel divine and not like a piece of trash that no one wanted And now I’m lost again And I just wanted to be friends But it’s hard for me to just let that shit slide And it feels alright To know all wounds heal with time But on some days, I just lock myself inside You won’t have fun as your mind grows closer to the drums They took the keys and your shit is open, everyone can see You like BTMI! because you wanna relate, you wanna move out of the state And you wanna forget, you wanna forget about everything The shit and your student debt! Buh-luh-bah-bah! And now I’m lost again And I just wanted to be friends But it’s hard for me to just let that shit slide And it feels alright To know all wounds heal with time But on some days, I just lock myself inside And it’s hard to know That it’s really not my fault But in my dreams, I can never know who I can blame And it sucks to feel So attached to your heel But I hope one day this pain will go away

It's hot outside, so I won't go out I like the fans on high with my feet pointing south And I don't care for ice, I know I should be nice When I made it my resolution, but I'll forget Summer days pass in a tiny room Bags of Sour Patch Kids litter the floor And if you see an In-n-Out, you know we're in Cali I'll let you know when hours pass and it feels like falling There's a strain on my brain, I wonder what caused it We were so fucking sure that it would be misty And I'm sorry for the troubles that we put on ya Had a blast when I went to Indio, California Come on, I dread coming down to Earth Lets drown in the Salton Sea Old lives are a memory that I want to forget And I never want to see past the working placebo I guess I'll never sleep knowing that I'll have to go back to LA, back to those days Where I was so fucked, fucked inside my head I don't want to go back inside my head And it's hotter than I like in this damn desert I forgot my dinky thermos somewhere in my closet And where's that pain? The one in my chest I felt it all the time back home when I'd be nervous I'm glad I escaped, even just for one second There's no thrill in going back, I think I would rather be dead

It feels nice to be alone again It never feels great to hate my friends But I never know where the time goes Covered in sweat at those punk shows Ride my board around the block While listening to things by Jeff Rosenstock Sitting on the curb outside of work The cigarettes burn through my shirt And I know I shouldn't let the time pass I've got a bunch of things to do, but not enough gas And I really like living, I really love living! Cause I'm learning how not to live in the past Cause I took my fucking time, sulking and praying Up to a god that I don't believe in anymore It's so predictable, I'm depressed again Time to grab my phone and call all my friends But Justin's voicemail is filled up Cristian isn't home, Said's tied up And my sister's coming home late again Kinda want to drown inside a keg But I grab the stolen coat and go outside Try not to look back and close my eyes Cause my memory's fleeting and I'm getting restless Gotta keep my head up and try my best And it feels like it's ending, oh fuck! It's all ending But I count to ten, can't believe that it's working And it's pretty fucking fine to take own time I'm done pretending that it's doing wonders for me anymore I'll shut it down: all the negative self-talk I'll realize that it's fine to just walk Instead of running away from all the things that make me sad Gotta make it a habit to not ignore everything I think is bad Cause once I stop moping, it's plain to see To make it better, I start with me When will I learn to never not be a teen?

I'll never stop being a teen With pool parties on the weekends A getting drunk with my best friends And I won't stop acting obscene Pop punk songs in the air And driving fast without a care Down the street outside of your house And I'm sorry if you get annoyed But at least I didn't hit your mailbox this time! It's hard to stop acting like a bitch When it's all that you know I swear, I don't hate you, bro! It's not you, it's just me I'm acting all head-ass While you're trying to have blast In this heat, it's hard to breathe With Jojo right next to me And I won't stop chugging beers Even though, I said I'd stop 3 years ago But I lied, I'm sorry! It's habit of mine. Can you pass me that big bottle over there? It's a Saturday so, I don't really care If I die hungover in a chair! I promise I won't yak in your hair! On Monday, I'll sleep in 'till 5 Tuesday's pass in a blink of an eye Wednesday, I'll see you after class Thursday, I'll be chugging that glass Friday, I'll be driving around finding you in this godforsaken town Saturday, I'll be drinking with friends Sunday, I'll be calling you again Next day, I'll just start it all again Until I feel like making amends With people that I've wronged in the past God, I wish that feeling would just last Replace my guilt with inebriation Replace sadness with celebration Beer and wine saps motivation You got what you need to fuck the weekends!

I know I fret about the small things I know I tend to not care And wouldn't it be nice if we all knew what we were doing? It's such a chore to be happy It's such a chore to stay cool And 20 years go by so fast when you act like a fool But may I please talk now? Emotions are better than screaming out loud Up at the heavens, screaming "I'm just fine! Everybody hear me! Oh, I'll get by! I don't need anybody!" Cause little ol' me never opens up Blame it on a few things at the bottom of a cup And never face my problems and never talk about them And when it really matters, I'll shut down and lose my words. I can't see why you're so happy When life just sucks and no one is smiling Can I make it work? Can I work towards an ending? Will I be alright when things don't line up for me Cause I'm curious where my life will take me! The suspense is kind of killing me. But may I please talk now? Emotions are better than screaming out loud Up at the heavens, screaming "I'm just fine! Everybody hear me! Oh, I'll get by! I don't need anybody!" Cause little ol' me never opens up Blame it on a few things at the bottom of a cup And never face my problems and never talk about them And when it really matters, I'll shut down and lose my words. Words can be so hard to formulate! It's another dream I can't escape This wine feels super great! I'm up past "way too late"! I'll be coming to work again with a headache I can't fake. Don't come by at 3 in the morning I'll still be up drunk, it's disappointing How I'm still this fucked, soaking in my tub Eating butter with a spoon Even though we're broken up It's embarrassing how much I can't relate! Will you humor me and stay the night just once? We don't have to touch You can sleep on my bed I just need to hear your breath Cause I'm pretty fucking sure I'll cry tonight even though I seemed fine Staring at the time, thinking "I won't lie! Everybody hates me! That's quite alright! I don't need anybody!" Cause little ol' me prefers to get drunk Blame it on a lot of things and then give up Run away from all my issues and never talk about them And when it really matters, I'll find an excuse to get the fuck out of here! And never talk, it's fun to isolate! It's another dream I can't escape This car ride's super slow, we're up past "way too late"! I'll be coming to work again with a headache I can't shake in time! And I don't want to die And I don't want to cry But if I see you tonight Oh, will it save me? Because it feels like summer vacation And the echoes in these walls are too distracting! And I can't wait to come and see you But it's kinda cold in Humboldt, California! And it kills to be dishonest And I know I should let go of all my grudges! And I can't wait to come and see you And spend the night in Humboldt, California! Oh yeah! Humboldt, California, oh yeah! It's cold in California!

I don’t need your help, I know this shit seems bad And I don’t really care if you think I can’t finish what I started This “heaping mess” is what I call my life And I can’t really seem to recall every little detail that’s happened so far right here with you It's a shame I let it get this far without knowing that something was wrong. So reckless to assume that I’m okay With everything that's happened to me In this long span of 2 decades! It's one too many times, those memories And those cherished feelings that I never got to share. Feeling so protected inside You don’t know the truth In turn, I guess I'll never know if you loved me, too Is this all a joke? Cause it's been hard to live alone with these feelings and hard to move on Well, I guess I didn’t know how things would turn out It’s all fun and games until someone either cries or lies there, it’s not fair How you just thought I’d be A-Ok Well, I haven’t been myself in almost half a decade. How could I be stuck on this for so long? Where has the time gone? And now I see that you’re not worth it anymore But, I’m cashed out.

In the autumn air, the sun don’t shine I’d be lying if I said I’m alright Though most notably, I knew you’d care ‘Cause unlike beer and stolen Newports I want you here in my arms But I know that’s never ever gonna happen And I realize that I’m way over my head again Oh, this sucks. I know, it blows. But what can I do to see you smile at a joke that I made up? It kinda sucks to see you smile through a screen and not in person I’ve been a jerk, but when push comes to shove I’d give my left or right kidney to sing a song with you But I know that’s never ever gonna happen And I realize that I’m way over my head again And it’s true that you’re the last thing I think of You’re always in my dreams never really close enough to touch or hug But it’s you. You’re there. You care. And you’re always watching.

I saw a man and his wife Bicker and yell in a pointless fight About something that I couldn’t hear And it got me thinking about my greatest fears I woke up from a nightmare Got dressed and walked out the door like I didn’t care Got a bagel from the cafe down the street Then I walked two miles to the train with blisters on my feet And I know, I don’t need to be told About the shit that I couldn’t let go of Dang dang I clocked out at 5 Got a small mochaccino to enjoy the small things in life But I’m quickly reminded of things That I have to do before it’s too late I stumbled upon a flyer It asked “did you happen to lose your burning desire To function, so you just give up?” And I didn’t know what to say so, I just kept on walking back home Where I drank and drank for hours I cried and awoke hungover I couldn’t stand to go to work today And I saw the same couple fight Bicker and yell in another pointless fight About something that I didn’t care about So I shut the blinds and drifted off to sleep

Don't worry about a thing, the lads and I are coming up It's an 8 hour drive and all we had to eat is bread! Fell asleep in the back of a car for hours I have no reception, even though I see the cellphone towers Now we're driving on the 5 and all I see is land Something about the day sky let's me know that it's time to bury my face in my hands I thought everything was perfect! I thought I loved this city, like a fool! But when we all stopped by, I could barely contain my cool But when we all had fun on the shoreline I couldn't help but feel so lost Thinking "what to do now that the spell is wearing off?" Now I'm chilling at your house and I'm trying not to cry Justin's giving me a look, like he knows I'm trying not to die Sometimes, it feels like it's a lot, and we know I'll end up bruised But I gotta say it now, and you know what's on my mind The next time we're in Santa Cruz I'll just feel like crying! I've never been more excited! And it's been, like, forever for me! I can't fight my demons! And I sure can't ignore them! And it won't be forever. Believe! And we're all singing "na-na-nana-na-na-na!"

I’ve been known to fall in love too quick Just another name among romantics Who can never be quite serious And I’m a bit vicarious I skimmed the book and I missed the plot But I know that Jesus died a lot It’s another gross night on the bus These lowly nights are hilarious When you’re friends are out with their love interests And you’re sitting alone in your room, getting pissed It’s hard to see that they still love you When the lies you told just aren’t true! They’re getting married in Hawaii and too bad that you’re not invited! The 14th of the 2nd month of the year, I always drink a lot And it never helped me get any better I always feel like shit right after The sleeping pills make boring nights Full of cans of Pabst or a Coors Light I wish it was easy to get to know you My head’s so fucked and I couldn’t tell you It’s my fear of love that makes me quit But I know that I’m just sick of it I thought it'd easy to keep my voice down I'll try my best to cover my frown And it seems like I just don’t know how to feel so open And I can’t see how I missed this little quirk so blindly Maybe I would have more luck if I just stop lying Trying to be cool and be funny while I’m saying “I love dying.” I’m a known commitaphobe romantic ‘Cause the people I date always end up shit I’m a big, obnoxious oxymoron Be a dear and keep the lights on I skimmed the book and I missed the plot But I know that I get fucked a lot And I’m this close to giving up But I’m this close cleaning my act The 14th of the 2nd month of the year, I always drink a lot And it never helped me get any better I always feel like shit right after And it seems like I just don’t know how to feel so open And I can’t see how I missed this little quirk so blindly Maybe I would have more luck if I just stop lying Trying to be cool and be funny while I’m saying “I love dying.”

Head fast, I'm going nowhere True fact: I'm stuck with the fear of being a failure 20 and I'm still just nothing Gave up art with pens and pencils Over all those shitty doodles Writing songs about Failed loves and my projections And here I am in Los Angeles, a city I won't miss With all the grudges and fights I haven't solved When I get over it all, will you give me a call? Endless texts say I'm a bummer Writing these songs for the summer Oh, when will it end? Long night talks with some of my friends Try new things and lie to like it Shitty things I've done to forget All those nights we fought Holding back is only self-taught And here I am in Los Angeles, a city I won't miss With all the grudges and fights I haven't solved When I get over it all, will you give me a heads up? I'm thinking about it too much! I guess I should work on issues that plague me and all those around me 'Cause, if I don't, then I won't be happy It's too fucked, everything I know is too fucked But it won't be the end, my friend. I've got a lot in my head I'm going through it again, so let's just go to bed!

Don’t tell me to smile. And don’t say, “it’s alright.” Don’t tell me that each passing day Will get better for me Because I know that it won’t Not when I’m trapped in this body Please tell me if I’ll ever see this through “Oh, how could this happen to you?” And I know that I was born wrong right from the womb And I know that it’s been stuck in my head for too long I don’t feel good in my skin. I don’t like living a lie I don’t feel like crying every day I wish it would go away But I know that it won’t Not when I’m trapped in this body Please spare me your undivided attention I’m a person, not an attraction But I still think I’m a freak in my eyes. I’ve turned up really unlucky. And it’s easy to think that I'm just overreacting. Try living a day in my shoes. I’m sorry, am I boring you? I don’t need pity, what I need is tons of drugs To change the way how I look and to numb the pain of bullet holes I know that you don’t really care.

Paint me misguided cause I'm so delicate yet so stubborn In the right mind and at the wrong times Speeding down the 10 to get you in time cause I'm late And ignoring what you say, cause my driving's fine And I'm here! With food! And is it cool if I crash here tonight? 3 topping pizzas, as much as we can afford Diet's won't really save us, we'll eat 'til we're bored Chase it all down with booze your mom scored for us We'll have a good night 'till we're all dead Or tired enough to go to bed But we'll smoke 'till the dawn goes by right over all our heads Then laugh at some joke that Brooke will say, ignore the pain Dealing with myself for 5 years Blame it all on these trashed bottles of beer Say I'm excited cause I acknowledge that I've got some Feelings to work though and not put on you It's a four step plan that I have got to see through Cause I'm feeling exhausted from feeling nothing And I'm over letting it control me And I'm over letting it all die Cause I'm done creating problems And I'll stop running away Just as soon as I can smile and hear myself say "It's okay to cry, just let it out! It's okay to feel shame and beat down. Just promise you won't die!" Because I can't contain the words in my head And they still burn, they still burn And it's fucked to think that I'll never grow Out of this, your one trick And I'll never see the day where you disappear You're still there, you're still there But I'm still fucking desperate for any little thing that shows love.