1. |
Better Late Than Never
03:29
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And here we are, so broken
Neither dead or alive
To my surprise, I’m barely breathing
Cut and bruised to hell
How could you tell that I'm not taking shit from the people out back? I’ve had enough with playing along
with all these songs about the summer. They’re gnawing on my back. I’m being consumed for their comfort. How can I find the lines that guide me back to that place called “home?” I suppose it’s better late than never to change.
It’s about damn time that I cared for myself
It’s been a long ride since winter
Catching colds and sweating dry
Why am I still cold inside?
It’s about 78 degrees with a little bit of a breeze
Running around the topics that confuse me
They get to me too easily and I say,
“Hello, world. Can you find the time to help a girl out in these trying moments?” They say, “Hell no, girl. You gotta figure it out and stop freaking out every time you feel let down.”
But how do they expect me to live with myself?
Knowing that I fucked up along the way. The price is here to pay.
And now I hear them all teasing me because I can’t get by
Why can’t I get by? I can’t write this pain away.
I need you to go away.
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2. |
One Hour Vacation
04:11
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Hearing the rain fall in the afternoons
I couldn’t believe how much I hated myself for
Letting you walk away without my two cents
And now I can’t hold down a shitty temp job
Can’t afford to take this one shot
Of whatever concoction this bar whipped up
And now I’m drunk again
With no one else to befriend
Now with my car broken down I’ve got to walk
3 miles to get a fuckin’ bottle of vodka
Walking up a set of broken stairs
Stumbling my way to nowhere
I’m not naive, I’m just a fucking dumbass
I forgot I can’t read social cues
I come up empty-handed with nothing to say
Still like to handle things my own way
And I know I shouldn’t believe
I can’t do anything that’s useful to my life and those around me
But I can’t shake off the feeling that no one cares
It’s a 20 minute walk to get validation
Ease my mind for an hour of vacation
Yet I always regret sitting down on your front steps
I sort of miss the days where you were around
As an emotional safe net, it’s so hard rely on
Myself for once, how hard can that be?
Well, it must not be easy cause I’m downing bottles
Left and right. I need professional help
Dealing everything I’ve got on my mind
Now I can’t be sure
I can take care of myself and for what it’s worth
I really don’t think I should be alone for now
And all around it hurts
To think that I’ve had some hand to play in this game
In making you leave for good
But I shouldn’t believe
I can’t do anything that’s useful to my life and those around me
But I can’t shake off the feeling that no one cares
It’s a 20 minute walk to get validation
Ease my mind for an hour of vacation
Yet I always regret sitting down on your front steps
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3. |
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Sunken eyes bother me
While I write songs
It's so hard to stay focused
It's hard to stay awake
While I'm drawing inspiration
From unpleasant memories
The light of my screen
Warns that it's getting late
That I need to go to sleep.
Sulking around like an emotional emo
But everything's cool, that's as far as you all know
My isolating tendencies are going too far
But I know I won't budge while I cry in my car
Cause I'm so fed up with the way things are going, I know that I'm fucked
And if I don't change, I'll die alone, accomplishing nothing
With words that mean shit scribbled on a piece of paper
While crying and screaming about how much I love her
It's too much.
But you know I can self-destruct
Know I don't give a fuck
Don't know what's left for me
Cause as far as you all can see
I'm dying alone in a 4x4 coffin
I'll sit in my room, wondering what could have been
When my time flies by, I'll know that shit's wrong
And sit there and sulk, grab a pen, and write a sad song
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4. |
Just Have Fun.
03:34
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You walk out the door and you don’t feel like shit anymore
You lay in bed and smile at every single thing that they said
Can’t get enough of this chemical feeling
Will it all be worth repeating or am I just in my head again about nothing?
Will it all come tumbling down?
You hate your job and you joke about your trauma in your songs
It’s plain to see that I’m too afraid to leave it all to me
You don’t have to ask cause itt’s all between the lines
I just want to feel divine and not like a piece of trash that no one wanted
And now I’m lost again
And I just wanted to be friends
But it’s hard for me to just let that shit slide
And it feels alright
To know all wounds heal with time
But on some days, I just lock myself inside
You won’t have fun as your mind grows closer to the drums
They took the keys and your shit is open, everyone can see
You like BTMI! because you wanna relate, you wanna move out of the state
And you wanna forget, you wanna forget about everything
The shit and your student debt!
Buh-luh-bah-bah!
And now I’m lost again
And I just wanted to be friends
But it’s hard for me to just let that shit slide
And it feels alright
To know all wounds heal with time
But on some days, I just lock myself inside
And it’s hard to know
That it’s really not my fault
But in my dreams, I can never know who I can blame
And it sucks to feel
So attached to your heel
But I hope one day this pain will go away
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5. |
Indio, California
03:05
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It's hot outside, so I won't go out
I like the fans on high with my feet pointing south
And I don't care for ice, I know I should be nice
When I made it my resolution, but I'll forget
Summer days pass in a tiny room
Bags of Sour Patch Kids litter the floor
And if you see an In-n-Out, you know we're in Cali
I'll let you know when hours pass and it feels like falling
There's a strain on my brain, I wonder what caused it
We were so fucking sure that it would be misty
And I'm sorry for the troubles that we put on ya
Had a blast when I went to Indio, California
Come on, I dread coming down to Earth
Lets drown in the Salton Sea
Old lives are a memory that I want to forget
And I never want to see past the working placebo
I guess I'll never sleep knowing that I'll have to go back to LA, back to those days
Where I was so fucked, fucked inside my head
I don't want to go back inside my head
And it's hotter than I like in this damn desert
I forgot my dinky thermos somewhere in my closet
And where's that pain? The one in my chest
I felt it all the time back home when I'd be nervous
I'm glad I escaped, even just for one second
There's no thrill in going back, I think I would rather be dead
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6. |
Never Not A Teen
02:56
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It feels nice to be alone again
It never feels great to hate my friends
But I never know where the time goes
Covered in sweat at those punk shows
Ride my board around the block
While listening to things by Jeff Rosenstock
Sitting on the curb outside of work
The cigarettes burn through my shirt
And I know I shouldn't let the time pass
I've got a bunch of things to do, but not enough gas
And I really like living, I really love living!
Cause I'm learning how not to live in the past
Cause I took my fucking time, sulking and praying
Up to a god that I don't believe in anymore
It's so predictable, I'm depressed again
Time to grab my phone and call all my friends
But Justin's voicemail is filled up
Cristian isn't home, Said's tied up
And my sister's coming home late again
Kinda want to drown inside a keg
But I grab the stolen coat and go outside
Try not to look back and close my eyes
Cause my memory's fleeting and I'm getting restless
Gotta keep my head up and try my best
And it feels like it's ending, oh fuck! It's all ending
But I count to ten, can't believe that it's working
And it's pretty fucking fine to take own time
I'm done pretending that it's doing wonders for me anymore
I'll shut it down: all the negative self-talk
I'll realize that it's fine to just walk
Instead of running away from all the things that make me sad
Gotta make it a habit to not ignore everything I think is bad
Cause once I stop moping, it's plain to see
To make it better, I start with me
When will I learn to never not be a teen?
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7. |
Fuck The Weekends!!!
02:46
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I'll never stop being a teen
With pool parties on the weekends
A getting drunk with my best friends
And I won't stop acting obscene
Pop punk songs in the air
And driving fast without a care
Down the street outside of your house
And I'm sorry if you get annoyed
But at least I didn't hit your mailbox this time!
It's hard to stop acting like a bitch
When it's all that you know
I swear, I don't hate you, bro!
It's not you, it's just me
I'm acting all head-ass
While you're trying to have blast
In this heat, it's hard to breathe
With Jojo right next to me
And I won't stop chugging beers
Even though, I said I'd stop 3 years ago
But I lied, I'm sorry! It's habit of mine.
Can you pass me that big bottle over there?
It's a Saturday so, I don't really care
If I die hungover in a chair!
I promise I won't yak in your hair!
On Monday, I'll sleep in 'till 5
Tuesday's pass in a blink of an eye
Wednesday, I'll see you after class
Thursday, I'll be chugging that glass
Friday, I'll be driving around finding you in this godforsaken town
Saturday, I'll be drinking with friends
Sunday, I'll be calling you again
Next day, I'll just start it all again
Until I feel like making amends
With people that I've wronged in the past
God, I wish that feeling would just last
Replace my guilt with inebriation
Replace sadness with celebration
Beer and wine saps motivation
You got what you need to fuck the weekends!
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8. |
Humboldt, California
04:34
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I know I fret about the small things
I know I tend to not care
And wouldn't it be nice if we all knew what we were doing?
It's such a chore to be happy
It's such a chore to stay cool
And 20 years go by so fast when you act like a fool
But may I please talk now?
Emotions are better than screaming out loud
Up at the heavens, screaming
"I'm just fine! Everybody hear me!
Oh, I'll get by! I don't need anybody!"
Cause little ol' me never opens up
Blame it on a few things at the bottom of a cup
And never face my problems and never talk about them
And when it really matters, I'll shut down and lose my words.
I can't see why you're so happy
When life just sucks and no one is smiling
Can I make it work? Can I work towards an ending?
Will I be alright when things don't line up for me
Cause I'm curious where my life will take me!
The suspense is kind of killing me.
But may I please talk now?
Emotions are better than screaming out loud
Up at the heavens, screaming
"I'm just fine! Everybody hear me!
Oh, I'll get by! I don't need anybody!"
Cause little ol' me never opens up
Blame it on a few things at the bottom of a cup
And never face my problems and never talk about them
And when it really matters, I'll shut down and lose my words.
Words can be so hard to formulate!
It's another dream I can't escape
This wine feels super great! I'm up past "way too late"!
I'll be coming to work again with a headache I can't fake.
Don't come by at 3 in the morning
I'll still be up drunk, it's disappointing
How I'm still this fucked, soaking in my tub
Eating butter with a spoon
Even though we're broken up
It's embarrassing how much I can't relate!
Will you humor me and stay the night just once?
We don't have to touch
You can sleep on my bed
I just need to hear your breath
Cause I'm pretty fucking sure
I'll cry tonight even though I seemed fine
Staring at the time, thinking
"I won't lie! Everybody hates me!
That's quite alright! I don't need anybody!"
Cause little ol' me prefers to get drunk
Blame it on a lot of things and then give up
Run away from all my issues and never talk about them
And when it really matters, I'll find an excuse to get the fuck out of here!
And never talk, it's fun to isolate!
It's another dream I can't escape
This car ride's super slow, we're up past "way too late"!
I'll be coming to work again with a headache I can't shake in time!
And I don't want to die
And I don't want to cry
But if I see you tonight
Oh, will it save me?
Because it feels like summer vacation
And the echoes in these walls are too distracting!
And I can't wait to come and see you
But it's kinda cold in Humboldt, California!
And it kills to be dishonest
And I know I should let go of all my grudges!
And I can't wait to come and see you
And spend the night in Humboldt, California!
Oh yeah!
Humboldt, California, oh yeah!
It's cold in California!
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9. |
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10. |
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I don’t need your help, I know this shit seems bad
And I don’t really care if you think I can’t finish what I started
This “heaping mess” is what I call my life
And I can’t really seem to recall every little detail that’s happened so far right here with you
It's a shame I let it get this far without knowing that something was wrong.
So reckless to assume that I’m okay
With everything that's happened to me
In this long span of 2 decades!
It's one too many times, those memories
And those cherished feelings that I never got to share.
Feeling so protected inside
You don’t know the truth
In turn, I guess I'll never know if you loved me, too
Is this all a joke?
Cause it's been hard to live alone with these feelings and hard to move on
Well, I guess I didn’t know how things would turn out
It’s all fun and games until someone either cries or lies there, it’s not fair
How you just thought I’d be A-Ok
Well, I haven’t been myself in almost half a decade.
How could I be stuck on this for so long? Where has the time gone?
And now I see that you’re not worth it anymore
But, I’m cashed out.
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11. |
12/30/2017
02:01
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In the autumn air, the sun don’t shine
I’d be lying if I said I’m alright
Though most notably, I knew you’d care
‘Cause unlike beer and stolen Newports
I want you here in my arms
But I know that’s never ever gonna happen
And I realize that I’m way over my head again
Oh, this sucks. I know, it blows.
But what can I do to see you smile at a joke that I made up?
It kinda sucks to see you smile through a screen and not in person
I’ve been a jerk, but when push comes to shove
I’d give my left or right kidney to sing a song with you
But I know that’s never ever gonna happen
And I realize that I’m way over my head again
And it’s true that you’re the last thing I think of
You’re always in my dreams never really close enough to touch or hug
But it’s you. You’re there. You care. And you’re always watching.
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12. |
Celebrate The Holidays
02:41
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I saw a man and his wife
Bicker and yell in a pointless fight
About something that I couldn’t hear
And it got me thinking about my greatest fears
I woke up from a nightmare
Got dressed and walked out the door like I didn’t care
Got a bagel from the cafe down the street
Then I walked two miles to the train with blisters on my feet
And I know, I don’t need to be told
About the shit that I couldn’t let go of
Dang dang
I clocked out at 5
Got a small mochaccino to enjoy the small things in life
But I’m quickly reminded of things
That I have to do before it’s too late
I stumbled upon a flyer
It asked “did you happen to lose your burning desire
To function, so you just give up?”
And I didn’t know what to say so, I just kept on walking back home
Where I drank and drank for hours
I cried and awoke hungover
I couldn’t stand to go to work today
And I saw the same couple fight
Bicker and yell in another pointless fight
About something that I didn’t care about
So I shut the blinds and drifted off to sleep
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13. |
Santa Cruz, California
03:56
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Don't worry about a thing, the lads and I are coming up
It's an 8 hour drive and all we had to eat is bread!
Fell asleep in the back of a car for hours
I have no reception, even though I see the cellphone towers
Now we're driving on the 5 and all I see is land
Something about the day sky let's me know that it's time to bury my face in my hands
I thought everything was perfect!
I thought I loved this city, like a fool!
But when we all stopped by, I could barely contain my cool
But when we all had fun on the shoreline
I couldn't help but feel so lost
Thinking "what to do now that the spell is wearing off?"
Now I'm chilling at your house and I'm trying not to cry
Justin's giving me a look, like he knows I'm trying not to die
Sometimes, it feels like it's a lot, and we know I'll end up bruised
But I gotta say it now, and you know what's on my mind
The next time we're in Santa Cruz
I'll just feel like crying! I've never been more excited!
And it's been, like, forever for me!
I can't fight my demons! And I sure can't ignore them!
And it won't be forever. Believe!
And we're all singing "na-na-nana-na-na-na!"
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14. |
Romantics
04:17
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I’ve been known to fall in love too quick
Just another name among romantics
Who can never be quite serious
And I’m a bit vicarious
I skimmed the book and I missed the plot
But I know that Jesus died a lot
It’s another gross night on the bus
These lowly nights are hilarious
When you’re friends are out with their love interests
And you’re sitting alone in your room, getting pissed
It’s hard to see that they still love you
When the lies you told just aren’t true!
They’re getting married in Hawaii and too bad that you’re not invited!
The 14th of the 2nd month of the year, I always drink a lot
And it never helped me get any better
I always feel like shit right after
The sleeping pills make boring nights
Full of cans of Pabst or a Coors Light
I wish it was easy to get to know you
My head’s so fucked and I couldn’t tell you
It’s my fear of love that makes me quit
But I know that I’m just sick of it
I thought it'd easy to keep my voice down
I'll try my best to cover my frown
And it seems like I just don’t know how to feel so open
And I can’t see how I missed this little quirk so blindly
Maybe I would have more luck if I just stop lying
Trying to be cool and be funny while I’m saying “I love dying.”
I’m a known commitaphobe romantic
‘Cause the people I date always end up shit
I’m a big, obnoxious oxymoron
Be a dear and keep the lights on
I skimmed the book and I missed the plot
But I know that I get fucked a lot
And I’m this close to giving up
But I’m this close cleaning my act
The 14th of the 2nd month of the year, I always drink a lot
And it never helped me get any better
I always feel like shit right after
And it seems like I just don’t know how to feel so open
And I can’t see how I missed this little quirk so blindly
Maybe I would have more luck if I just stop lying
Trying to be cool and be funny while I’m saying “I love dying.”
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15. |
3 Piece Swimsuit
03:00
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16. |
Los Angeles, California
03:29
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Head fast, I'm going nowhere
True fact: I'm stuck with the fear of being a failure
20 and I'm still just nothing
Gave up art with pens and pencils
Over all those shitty doodles
Writing songs about
Failed loves and my projections
And here I am in Los Angeles, a city I won't miss
With all the grudges and fights I haven't solved
When I get over it all, will you give me a call?
Endless texts say I'm a bummer
Writing these songs for the summer
Oh, when will it end?
Long night talks with some of my friends
Try new things and lie to like it
Shitty things I've done to forget
All those nights we fought
Holding back is only self-taught
And here I am in Los Angeles, a city I won't miss
With all the grudges and fights I haven't solved
When I get over it all, will you give me a heads up?
I'm thinking about it too much!
I guess I should work on issues that plague me and all those around me
'Cause, if I don't, then I won't be happy
It's too fucked, everything I know is too fucked
But it won't be the end, my friend. I've got a lot in my head
I'm going through it again, so let's just go to bed!
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17. |
Smile
04:57
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Don’t tell me to smile.
And don’t say, “it’s alright.”
Don’t tell me that each passing day
Will get better for me
Because I know that it won’t
Not when I’m trapped in this body
Please tell me if I’ll ever see this through
“Oh, how could this happen to you?”
And I know that I was born wrong right from the womb
And I know that it’s been stuck in my head for too long
I don’t feel good in my skin.
I don’t like living a lie
I don’t feel like crying every day
I wish it would go away
But I know that it won’t
Not when I’m trapped in this body
Please spare me your undivided attention
I’m a person, not an attraction
But I still think I’m a freak in my eyes.
I’ve turned up really unlucky.
And it’s easy to think that I'm just overreacting.
Try living a day in my shoes. I’m sorry, am I boring you?
I don’t need pity, what I need is tons of drugs
To change the way how I look and to numb the pain of bullet holes
I know that you don’t really care.
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18. |
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Paint me misguided cause I'm so delicate yet so stubborn
In the right mind and at the wrong times
Speeding down the 10 to get you in time cause I'm late
And ignoring what you say, cause my driving's fine
And I'm here! With food!
And is it cool if I crash here tonight?
3 topping pizzas, as much as we can afford
Diet's won't really save us, we'll eat 'til we're bored
Chase it all down with booze your mom scored for us
We'll have a good night 'till we're all dead
Or tired enough to go to bed
But we'll smoke 'till the dawn goes by right over all our heads
Then laugh at some joke that Brooke will say, ignore the pain
Dealing with myself for 5 years
Blame it all on these trashed bottles of beer
Say I'm excited cause I acknowledge that I've got some
Feelings to work though and not put on you
It's a four step plan that I have got to see through
Cause I'm feeling exhausted from feeling nothing
And I'm over letting it control me
And I'm over letting it all die
Cause I'm done creating problems
And I'll stop running away
Just as soon as I can smile and hear myself say
"It's okay to cry, just let it out! It's okay to feel shame and beat down.
Just promise you won't die!"
Because I can't contain the words in my head
And they still burn, they still burn
And it's fucked to think that I'll never grow
Out of this, your one trick
And I'll never see the day where you disappear
You're still there, you're still there
But I'm still fucking desperate for any little thing that shows love.
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Elisia Song Los Angeles, California
Elisia Song is a musician from LA county. Having released her first solo album after the departure of her alt-rock band,
Barcodes and Stripes in 2016, Elisia strives to find the perfect balance of story-telling and obnoxious oversharing.
LIVE SHOW LINEUP:
ELISIA: GUITAR/VOCALS
GANNON: DRUMS
COLE: KEYS/VOCALS
SAM: GUITAR/VOCALS
JUSTIN: BASS/VOCALS
... more
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